Sometimes for fun I write some crap

Oh god, it's that July again. Perhaps a mere coincidence, it's this time of the year, I really go down tumbling to bed for whatever reasons. Last year, I was hit by a wave of high fever and I was reduced to bed for nearly two weeks. Out of T.V, out of internet and, more importantly, out of happenings, really made me go nuts.

Surprisingly, during this July, I was again put to bed (This time it's not a natural calamity but a man made mistake :-)) as I, myself, opted for an eye surgery. I was asked to stay away from the T.V and the internet and of course, was advised to close my eyes as much as possible and SLEEP(one of my favorite activities). However, I felt that this is the most cruel punishment ever. Asking a person to sleep too much is just a mental torture. Believe me! You may reckon and even be surprised, but you would know how hard it is to lay on bed with eyes closed when you really want to come out into the world.

The caption of a popular beverage, " The world is waiting, where are you" struck my mind, though nothing is really waiting for me. I get all sorts of emotionally weak thoughts and fears and I succumb to them to death during this ugly idle period. Perhaps, the old adage, "Idle man's mind is a devil's workshop" , holds good here. Though I feel great and on top of the world with " I'm single and I'm loving it" attitude, at this point of time, I feel lonely and feel that there isn't really anyone who would really care for me "genuinely" and "unconditionally".

I wanted to test it practically, taking some real-time data to find out that is there anyone really concerned about me. So, I picked up my mobile and perused through the received numbers list. To my surprise, over 70% of the calls were from my credit card sales buddies, who are really concerned about my investments, credits, savings, loans, health insurance(wow they are concerned about my family too). With a pun intended, they are the true friends.

Ironically, we generally tend to take people, who really care about, for granted and ignore them while we long and beg for someone else to care for. Typically, I tend to ignore those bank calls by saying "I am busy" or "not interested". It's Harsh. Isn't it? As I write this, a practical joke flashed in my mind all of a sudden. It was during my engineering, a period during which cell phones were new and talking to a girl over the phone for us was an eight wonder. One of my class mates was known to possess posh northie gals' numbers. Knowing this, another guy bribed him, begged him and somehow managed to get a number. With hell a lot of excitement he went home to call her up and the next day told that she was saying the same thing again and again and that he was pissed off. We were bewildered. The real joke is here, the other guy had given him the hutch customer care number and the voice is a pre-recorded female speech. Poor fellow he didn't even know that such a service ever existed.

Back from the joke, the other calls were from my clients. Are you wondering who these clients are? These are people who find me on orkut or some pagalguy forums and even people I know at TCS ,or at my college etc. They generally call me to seek help on GMAT, Management programmes, U.K MBA etc. (Lately, I have become one big consultant and about to start a consultancy too (just joking)). They quite politely and sweetly start with this "Hi, Prashant. How are you?". All they would expect is a very mundane "I am fine.How about you?". There is no real intent in knowing how you really are. In fact, they would be taken aback and become speechless if I say anything other than that mundane reply. Because they are not expecting it and they are not prepared for it.

I had such strange experience when I was interviewed by Dr. Chris Storey, Director of the full time MBA at CASS business school. I typically started off with "Hi Chris. How are you doing?". He replied "Hi Prashant. I am not doing well, had head ache all morning as I screened many applications and my kid is not well too." Wow, what a surprise that was. I never expected that answer. However, I somehow managed to get through. Perhaps, it was intentional from Chris to test my ability to manage during uncertainty.

Alright back again, so overall, after this swot analysis, there is only one caller, who unconditionally, affectionately, truly and genuinely called me day and again. Who else it can be. It is my mom. That's why they say, as god cannot be everywhere to take care of everyone, and thus, he created mother, my world. Apart from mom, there is nobody really. Yes of course people do call me, scrap me and mail me, however, they do it when they need something and my name flashes in their minds once they are in need of some information, or some monetary help or whatever. I find a lot of females falling into this category. Previously, I felt good that at least I am remembered in need. However, deep down it has been gripping me when I learned that I am confined to this mere role and none is really taking me to the next level of the relationship-A friend (here friend is defined a bit tightly, it is not just a person who you know).

You might question me "Prashant, do you care for others? If so, they would do surely reciprocate". I have an answer for this too. As I know, the importance of this, I regularly go through my contacts list, browse through it and call people alphabetically, just to know their well being and whereabouts. I may not be really interested but the fact that my show of concern can lift the other guy's spirits is what I look out for. I do the same on orkut as well. I just want to make sure that there is no mistake from my end.

So I asked myself. Am I missing something in life? The answer is unarguably "Yes" to me. I really wonder how so much is said about, written about friendship. The poems, the songs, the quotes and the stories. It must have existed surely, but where? I haven't experienced it yet. Mind you, all this while I am talking about friendship but not love. I am miles away from it and it out of my sight and reach and I threw it long ago out of my basket.

P.S: I wrote the above blog with ideas that flew around my mind when I was physically and mentally inactive. So, please don't take it seriously huh, as this is some crap :-)